If Shigure Acted Like A Dog
by ChipsAhoyPup
Summary: What happens when Hatori decides to be EBIL and puts dog DNA into Shigure's food? Updated, rated T for cursing and pervertedness. DISCLAIMER: I don't own Fruits Basket! . ;
1. If Shigure Acted Like A Dog

**If Shigure Acted Like A DOG**

**By: ChipsAhoyPup**

It was a hot day. I think. Or was it raining? Okay, it really doesn't matter what the weather was. It matters more about what the ACTUAL story is about. Sooo, on to the story, yes?

It starts out with Hatori. Not Shigure. Shigure comes later. Hatori's plot is more important. Hehheh. Anyways, today was a good day, I think. Hatori was thinking to himself. Like always. He doesn't say things out loud, you know. He just thinks them. ANYWAYS, today he was thinking of something EVIL. Hatori thinks about evil things alot. But he doesn't say them out loud. But you knew that.

_Maybe I will put dog DNA in Shigure's food today, _Hatori thought. I wonder why Hatori would think that? It's so random. But, oh well. It was Hatori's thoughts. And he was a doctor. So getting dog DNA wouldn't be hard. I assume, at least. I mean, it would be easy to go to the vet, tell them it was an emergency, and that he needed dog DNA. Right? RIGHT?

Well, apparently it was. He went to the vet and said, "Can I have dog DNA? I'm a doc--"

"I don't really care who you are! Do you think I'd give out dog DNA? Well, do you?!" The person at the desk shouted. "Well, your right! Here you go!" And the person at the desk gave Hatori dog DNA.

So, since Hatori had his materials, he went to Shigure's house straight away. Who would've thought that Hatori would be the type to play such pranks?

WELL I DID! I DIIIIIIID! BUAHAHAHA! Okay, back to the story.

Hatori was invited into the house right away. Because Tohru's a foolish girl who always lets random people into the Sohma house. She probably hoped it was a murderer so they could kill one of the stupid guys that always made her work. Wait, that's kind of out-of-charecter. Oh well.

So Hatori said, "What did you make for dinner?" That's kinda rude, though, because it seems like he wants some of the dinner. BUT HE DIDN'T! HE HAD AN EVIL PLOT!

"Oh, uh, I didn't, um, know you wanted some, er, Hatori-kun. I'm sorry! I'll, I'll make you some, er, right away, uh!" Tohru cried out.

Hatori laughed an evil laugh that went like, "Muahahahaha." Tohru stared at him in a way that went like, "O.O" So Hatori cleared his throat and kissed her.

YEAH RIGHT! YOU WISH!

What really happened was Hatori said, "I don't want any dinner. I just want to know which plate is Shigure's."

Tohru nodded. "Okie-dokie, arta-chokie." This made everyone chokie. Because Tohru doesn't say weird things like that. At least I hope.

Tohru pointed at a bowl. It had leeks in it and miso and all this crap that they eat in Fruits Basket EVERY DAY. Okay, anyways, Hatori then poured the whole thing of dog DNA into the food. Tohru stared.

"Thank you. G'day." Then Hatori left.

**************************************************************************

It was dinner time! Time for the plot to actually start! Hahaha! Okay, so, everyone was having a dinner-chat. As usual. Because no one ever eats dinner without talking in the Sohma house. The conversation went as so:

"DAMN RAT YOUR A DAMN RAT!"

"Baka Neko, Stupid Cat."

"Er, uh, p-please, s-stop fighting, er, sorry, uh..."

That's basically what EVERY conversation went like. But this time Shigure didn't make any perverted comments. At first no one notices, and keep arguing. Then they get all confused of the quietness on the other end of the table.

"Have you noticed that Shigure hasn't said anything at all?" Yuki suddenly asked. Everyone slowly turned their head toward Shigure. And then their faces all contorted into a, "O.O" face.

Because Shigure was itching his ear with his foot.

"What are you doing?!" Snapped Kyo.

Shigure stopped and stared at them, but said nothing. He was sitting in a weird position, a kinda frog-like position.

"Eh, uh, that is, are you okay, Shigure-kun?" Tohru asked in her sweet voice. (A/N Though her voice sounds annoying to me. -.-)

Shigure continued to stare at them. They all stared back, confused. Then Shigure finally talked. Except no one expected what came out of his mouth. "Woof!"

Yuki's eyes widened. "Er, Shigure, are you trying to be funny?" Because it wasn't funny to them. It was creepy.

"Woof," Answered Shigure. His tounge was sticking out on the side of his mouth. Kind of like a... dog.

"IS THAT ALL YOUR GONNA SAY, DAMN DOG?" Snapped Kyo.

"Woof," Replied Shigure, which made Kyo get even more aggitated.

"Uh, um, Kyo, I think Shigure-kun, that is, doesn't mean any harm," Tohru said before Kyo could smash the table into the pervert's head.

Kyo turned to Tohru. "He's messed up in the head!" He snapped at Tohru. Tohru flinched.

"Don't yell at Honda-san," Growled Yuki.

"Oh yeah, you want some of this, damn rat?" Kyo snapped.

"Like you can do any damage," Yuki snorted.

"Uh, um, Yuki-kun, Kyo-kun, er, that is, Shigure-kun's, er..." Tohru didn't know how to say what he was doing. So Kyo and Yuki looked for themselves to find out. Yet another 3-paired, "O.O" face was made.

Shigure was running on his hands and knees in circles, snapping at his butt.

"WHAT THE--?" Kyo yelled.

"Shigure?" Yuki said in his soft voice. Shigure stopped running in circles, but still stood on his hands and knees as he stared up at Yuki.

"I think I know what happened," Tohru said, suddenly not speaking with, "er"s and "uh"s and "um"s. Because I don't like writing them every time she opens her mouth.

"What happened, Honda-san?" Yuki asked.

"Hatori-kun came and he asked me which bowl was Shigure's, so I showed him which one and he poured some liquid into it," Tohru explained.

"What does that have to do with Shigure acting like a doofus?" Kyo growled.

"Everything," Replied Yuki. "You're too dense to know, though." Yuki raced to the phone and dialed Hatori's number.

"Hello?" Hatori's voice echoed through the phone.

"Hatori, what did you put in Shigure's food today?" Yuki asked hurriedly.

"Dog DNA. Why?" Hatori asked. He was acting stupid. Not that that would work.

"Because now he's acting like a dog! What were you thinking?" Scolded Yuki.

"I was thinking that it would be funny."

Now that Yuki thought about it, it was kind of funny to see a 27-year-old running around in circles. But not too funny when it's your guardian. Who happens to be a dog zodiac. "Look, what's the antidote?"

"How should I know?" Grumbled Hatori.

"In case you haven't noticed, your a doctor," Yuki muttered.

"Yes, but I'm not a vetranarian." There was a _click _and then the line went dead. Yuki grumpily hung the phone up and glared at it. Then he went into the room and told Kyo and Tohru what happened.

"Dog DNA? Why would he do _that_?" Complained Kyo.

"How should I know how Hatori's brain works? What's more important is to find the antidote," Muttered Yuki, staring down at Shigure, who was now occupying himself in a gross manner.

"Make him stop! It hurts my eyes!" Kyo snapped, looking away.

"What do you want me to do?" Replied Yuki, who already had looked away. Tohru, meanwhile, was running away screaming.

"Dump water on him so he'll think he's clean enough!"

"Oh, yeah, because that _always _works."

"How should I know what a damn dog does?!"

"Because the lowest creature, a cat, does worse."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HE DRINKS IN A TOILET!" Kyo shouted.

"Don't give him ideas," Groaned Yuki.

Shigure had stopped the licking. So Tohru came back in. "What are we supposed to do when Shigure's acting like a dog?" She whimpered, pointing at him.

"We can get him a small cage," Suggested Kyo.

"We are _not _putting our cousin in a cage." Yuki looked a bit disturbed by that idea.

"Yuki's scared of cages," Sang Kyo.

"Please don't act like Shigure right now, when he's acting like a mutt," Yuki said, folding his arms.

"Does Akito know how to help?" Kyo and Yuki turned and stared at Tohru. "I mean, er, because Akito's the head of the family and everything, so I just thought--"

"That Akito would act out of the kindness of his heart?! Puh-lease," Growled Kyo.

"I don't see _you _giving out ideas, Kyo," Replied Yuki.

Before Kyo could reply, a _ding-dong _echoed through-out the house. (A/N Do they have a doorbell? How should I know?) All 3 teenagers' eyes widened, and they looked over at Shigure. He was tensed up, again on his hands and knees, teeth gritted, growling.

"Please, no," Hissed Yuki. But it was too late.

"WOOF WOOF RUFF WOOF RUFF!" Barked Shigure, racing towards the door.

"Kyo, get him!" Yuki snapped. Kyo charged after his cousin. He grabbed Shigure's waist and started pulling backwards. But Shigure was heavier than him. So Kyo was heaving as hard as he could, panting.

"Little help over here," He breathed. Yuki ran up to Kyo and pushed Shigure, while Kyo pulled. (A/N No, not in that way. Please don't think like a pervert. x3) They finally got him into another room and slammed the door to that room shut behind Shigure. They sighed in relief, while listening to their older cousin's hands scrabble against the door. "God, he's like a dog."

Yuki glared at Kyo's stupidity. "He _is _a dog, or have you forgotten already?"

"I just--" _Ding-dong! _"Damn, the door!" Kyo raced to get the door. He opened it to find Hiro and Kisa standing there.

"Can't you get the door faster? Or do you just leave little kids standing on the door-step so they can be abducted by strangers?" Hiro growled as he walked in. "And what about the owner of this house, huh? Doesn't he care about his house-guests?"

"The owner of the house is currently acting like a mutt!" Snapped Kyo. Hiro and Kisa stared at him.

"It's not nice to make fun of the owner of the house, Kyo. You're just lucky he lets someone as stupid and annoying as you stay here," Replied Hiro.

"Oh, er, Hiro-kun, he's telling the truth," Tohru said. "Shigure-kun, that is, is acting like a dog." (A/N I wonder why she always says "that is"? All I know is in the anime AND the manga, she says that, so I wanna punch her! ^.^)

Hiro and Kisa stared with an, "O.O" face. Because, I mean, Tohru never ever lies. So she must be telling the truth. "...Sissy, why is Shigure acting like a dog?" Kisa said quietly.

"Oh, hi, Kisa-kun! It's because Hatori-kun put dog DNA in Shigure-kun's food," Tohru said. More "O.O" staring ensued. Tohru's face was, "^.^;"

Yuki suddenly came in, looking tired. "Okay, I gave Shigure a bone, and--" Then he saw Hiro and Kisa, who looked up at Yuki with an, "O.O" face. "Uh, hi."

"...Hi, Yuki," Whispered Kisa, who looked really confused.

"Hi," Said Hiro hurriedly. "What's all this talk about Shigure acting like a dog, huh?"

Yuki scratched his forehead. "We... don't know."

"All we know is we were in the middle of eating and he started barking and scratching his ear with his foot!" Shouted Kyo, not seeming happy at all.

Needless to say, Hiro and Kisa were out the door within 2 seconds. I'm sure they were afraid that Shigure's craziness would cause him to run out and attack them. Because they probably didn't know he was trapped in Kyo's bedroom right now.

"Wait a minute, I just realized, we locked that damn dog in _my _room!" Shouted Kyo. Yuki, meanwhile, looked amused, while Tohru looked shocked.

So Kyo raced to his room and opened the door. Then he froze, staring into the room, shocked. Within 5 minutes of the dog being trapped in there, books were ripped to shreds, the lamp in pieces on the floor, his matress for his bed totally torn-up. Totally ruined.

And laying on his torn-up bed was Shigure, curled up in a ball with a bone in his mouth. It was a total "O.O" moment. Which seemed to be happening alot lately. "SHIIIIGUUUUREEEEE!" Kyo screeched.

Hearing his name, Shigure immediatly woke up and stared up at Kyo. He starts panting, tounge sticking out, then runs straight at Kyo. "No, sicko, get away!" Kyo growled, running from the dog. Shigure, on his hands and knees, chased Kyo around the whole house, while Yuki watched laughing, and Tohru looked on. Then Shigure knocked Kyo over and started licking his face. "Get off!" Kyo screeched in total disgust. Tohru snapped out of her daze and stared. Yuki was now rolling around on the ground, cracking up.

But no one helped Kyo get Shigure off of him. So Kyo had to push and push and push. (A/N That sounded so perverted! xD) Finally Kyo got his heavy cousin off of him and sat up, panting. His face dripped with saliva, which made Yuki laugh even more. "You think that's funny, you damn rat?"

"No, I think it's hilarious," Replied Yuki between laughs. Tohru was laughing, too. "Even Honda-san thinks it's funny."

"I-I'm sorry, Ky-Kyo-k-kun," Gasped Tohru.

"WHATEVER! LET'S JUST FIND OUT THE DAMN ANTIDOTE ALREADY!" Kyo yelled. Shigure was now leaping at Kyo's leg, aggitating Kyo even more. So he lashed his leg out and kicked Shigure.

"YELP YIPE YELP YIPE!" Cried out Shigure, racing out the conveniently still-opened door. Because when Hiro and Kisa had left they hadn't closed the door. So Shigure was now racing through the whole neighberhood!

"Great job! Now he's gone!" Shouted Yuki.

"What do you want ME to do?" Screeched Kyo. "HE'S THE ONE WHO'S GETTING ON MY NERVES!"

"He can't help having dog DNA in his system," Grunted Yuki. Suddenly he had an idea. It wasn't a pretty one, but it was an idea.

Kyo and Tohru noticed the bright look on Yuki's face. "What?" Kyo growled.

"It's _in his system. _Don't you get it?" Yuki sighed at the dumb looks on Kyo and Tohru's faces. "We have to get it _out _of his system," Yuki said, as if it was obvious.

"...WHAT?!" Kyo shouted. "HOW ARE WE GONNA DO THAT? HE WON'T USE A TOILET!"

"No, duh," Groaned Yuki. Realization struck Kyo's face.

"NO... FREAKING... WAY," Kyo snapped.

Yuki sighed, "Would you rather having a crazy older cousin thinking he's a dog all his life?"

Kyo looked annoyed and disgusted at the same time. "Why can't we just put a diaper on him?"

"Oh, yeah, great idea! Let the whole world think he's acting like a baby, crawling on his hands and knees."

"Hey, he _already _looks crazy!"

"If you'd rather, we can do it the cat way."

"What?" Kyo asked, tilting his head to the side. "What is 'the cat way'?"

"Litter-box," Muttered Yuki, putting a hand on his forehead.

"..." Kyo stared. "How are we gonna get him to go? Trap him in a room naked with only a litter-box? That won't work!"

"Still don't see _you _giving ideas out," Yuki said. "But, actually, the sarcastic idea sounded good."

Kyo gave him a creeped-out stare. "I'm not taking his clothes off!"

"Someone has to," Yuki replied. "Why not you? He already licked your face."

Tohru still had a dumb look on her face. Obviously she didn't understand what they were talking about. But it was better that way, right?

"That has NOTHING to do with who strips him!" Snapped Kyo.

"I think it has everything to do with that," Replied Yuki smugly. Kyo scowled, an angry vein throbbing on his forehead.

"FINE, DAMN RAT, I'LL DO IT!" Snapped Kyo. (A/N I only made him give in right away because I need to get this story moving along) "BUT IT'LL ONLY PROVE THAT I'LL BEAT YOU SOME DAY!"

"This is a new one," Said Yuki sarcastically.

*************************************************************************

"Here, doggy, doggy," Called Yuki. He and Kyo had agreed that if Kyo would strip Shigure and shove him in a room with a litter-box, Yuki would have to be the one to get Shigure back home. _Please tell me he's not a real dog right now, _Pleaded Yuki, afraid that Shigure either got really stressed or bumped into a girl.

Suddenly, "WOOF WOOF RUFF WOOF!" echoed through the neighborhood. Then Yuki saw Shigure chasing a chipmunk up a tree. _Damn it! He'll never come back! _But the chipmunk gave Yuki an idea.

He raced back to the Sohma house and went up to Tohru. "Honda-san, sorry for this to be so sudden, but--" Yuki quickly hugged Tohru, who started freaking out. When doesn't she? Then Yuki, now a mouse, raced towards where he'd last seen Shigure. _Gotta be quick, gotta be quick, _He told himself as he ran. He found Shigure barking at a tree. "Er, uh, squeak?" Yuki said, trying to get Shigure's attention. It worked.

Shigure looked over and noticed the mouse. He immediatly tore after Yuki, who started running for his life. _I should've remembered that he can kill me in two seconds! _Yuki cried out silently as he ran. He got Shigure into the house and quickly skidded at the turn. He scrambled at where the room was supposed to be and ran head-long into Kyo's foot. "Get him in there!" Yuki cried as Shigure came scampering after him.

Kyo looked surprised to see that Yuki was in his mouse-form, but was quick at pushing Shigure hastily into the litter-box room. Then he slammed the door. "I didn't get to take his clothes off," Grunted Kyo, sweatdropping.

"It's fine for now. Errr, I guess we'll just throw out that kimono after." Yuki sweatdropped, too.

Then Yuki turned human and Kyo ran like Tohru usually does, except he didn't scream. He just ran. (A/N I allowed them a victory chat, but you know that they can't get along for long)

************************************************************************

"You think it's time, now?" Yuki asked.

"It's been a freakin' hour. Just check already," Growled Kyo.

"Why don't you check?" Yuki smirked, amused at having another argument.

"BECAUSE I SHOVED HIM INTO THE ROOM!" Kyo snapped.

"Yes, but our agreement was that you were to take his clothes off. Hehheh, and hey, guess what you _didn't _do?" Yuki replied.

"LIKE YOU DID ANYTHING!" Kyo stood up, raising a fist into the air in anger.

"I turned into a mouse and ran for my life, almost getting trampled by a clumsy idiot. Does that sound like nothing to you?" Yuki raised an eyebrow, staying seated with his arms crossed.

"AT LEAST YOU--"

"I'll check, Kyo-kun, Yuki-kun." Kyo and Yuki turned to see Tohru, blushing furiously and staring at the ground. "I don't want you to fight, so I'll check."

But this immediatly resulted in Kyo and Yuki both having to check with Tohru. Who didn't see _that _coming?

Deciding to take the safe reproach, Kyo stepped forward and pounded on the door. "Yo, dog," Snapped Kyo. Tohru giggled, and Kyo turned to glare at her.

"I'm sorry. You sounded like a gangster," Apologized Tohru. This caused Yuki to laugh a bit, too. Because who _wouldn't _laugh at Tohru saying the word "gangster"?

Kyo smirked, and decided to amuse Tohru a bit. So he rapped on the door again, calling out, "Ya done in there, dawg?" Tohru laughed politely. Yuki looked very bemused and bored. Everyone then stood and waited for anything. They weren't ready for what happened next. (A/N Because every single thing that's happened in this story, they weren't ready for! XD ^.^)

The whole door collapsed, crushing Kyo under it's weight. And there, on his hands and knees, was Shigure, panting furiously. Tohru and Yuki stared at Shigure, then glanced down at where Kyo was being crushed to death by a fallen door. Yuki laughed while Tohru raced forward, trying to save poor Kyo's life.

When the door was pulled off of Kyo, he sat up and gave Shigure a death glare. Shigure didn't notice, because he was too busy looking on with a dopey gaze while panting. "DAMN DOG, YOU ALMOST KILLED ME!" Kyo bellowed. Shigure glanced up, and suddenly his eyes went very big and sad. His lower lip trembled like a toddler and he crawled off like one, too. Everyone stared at him, and more importantly, the huge brown stain on his lower area of the kimono.

"Crap," Groaned Yuki. "What now? Apparently that didn't work!"

"Ha! This time YOUR idea didn't work! It's called payback! Or revenge! Whichever you'd rather!" Kyo shouted victoriously, lifting his head up and laughing.

"You do know that the fact that his kimono is soiled is your fault, right?" Yuki said. Kyo sweatdropped and stopped laughing. "Right. So, do _you _want to take it off?"

"No way, man. Why would I risk my life--" Kyo started, but suddenly Shigure leapt at Tohru. Tohru looked very scared.

"HONDA-SAN!" Cried out Yuki.

"TOHRU!" Kyo yelled at the same time.

_POOF!_

The two boys went frantic until they heard a familiaur groan. Then they stopped cold. "Wha-what happened?" It wasn't Tohru talking.

It was Shigure!

Kyo and Yuki both sighed at the same time. Shigure, meanwhile, was noticing that he was clinging to Tohru in dog form. His eyes widened as he saw that he was crushing Tohru. "Oh, Tohru! Oh, er, I'm so sorry! Uhhh, what happened? Uh, guess I should get off you, er..." Shigure walked backwards, sweatdropping.

Tohru sat up, a huge bump on her forehead. "Gaaaah. I-It's alright, Shigure-kun... at least... your back to normal," Tohru groaned, her head spinning. Before she could fall again, Shigure raced underneath her head and used his back to prop her up.

"B... back to normal? What?" Shigure turned to Kyo and Yuki to ask them what happened. But they had both fallen asleep on top of each other. Exaustion had gotten the best of them. And, so, Shigure was to wait until the next day to find out what happened. But in the meantime, he could take a picture of Kyo and Yuki sleeping together and use it for blackmail. Because that's what perverts do!

**A/N So, how did you like the story? I came up with the idea by drawing pictures in my notebook! ^.^ I decided it would be such a good idea. Because, it's VERY hard to imagine a perverted 27-year-old to suddenly start going on his hands and knees and act like a dog! So, anyways, that's the story. I guess turning into a dog made the dog DNA wash out of his veins or something. Don't ask me how that worked! I just thought it would be funny, because I BET YOU that Shigure would think he did something VERY bad to Tohru. He's a pervert, you know! And apparently so am I! See ya later! ^.^**


	2. If Kyo Acted Like A Cat

**If Kyo Acted Like A Cat**

**ChipsAhoyPup**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket.**

**Note: Someone requested I do one for all the Zodiac animals. So I'll TRY. It'll be hard, but it'll be fun all the same! ^.^**

Who's a devious guy? I'm sure we all know alot of the Fruits Basket characters are. But one of the guys was devious enough to put cat DNA in Kyo's food. Really want to know? Shigure. Because Kyo and Yuki never told him who put dog DNA in his food. They only told him someone did it. And he thought that Kyo, being a pussy cat, did it. So now Kyo could be a real pussy cat!

Shigure went to the vet. "Hello, um, my cat, er..." He tried to come up with a good reason for why he wanted cat DNA. He scratched his head. He hadn't thought about it while in the car. He'd just decided to wing it. "Oh, whatever. Look, do you have cat DNA?"

"WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE?" Screamed the vet. "FIRST DOG DNA, AND NOW CAT DNA! Well, lucky for you, we're cleaning off our DNA shelves. HERE!" The vet shoved him a bottle labled, "Cat DNA." Shigure smirked and left. He got back to the Sohma house and poured the cat DNA in Kyo's food. Then he sat down in his seat, still grinning to himself.

************************************************************************************************************

Dinner time. Everyone started digging into their food. Everyone was grateful for the abnormal silence. Usually Kyo's fighting with Yuki about something. Yuki decided to take advantage of Kyo's silence. "What's the matter? Cat got your tounge?" Yuki turned and stared at Kyo in confusion. Kyo was curled up in a ball, licking his hand.

What happened next was a, yep, you guessed it, "O.O" moment. Because in all the stories I make, something strange happens, so the characters go, "O.O" Except for Shigure. He was just trying not to give himself away by laughing.

"Meow." Everyone's eyes bulged, including Shigure. "Meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow."

"Is he singing the Meow Mix song?" Yuki said. Shigure then couldn't hold in his laughter anymore. So Yuki and Tohru stared at him as he cracked up. "What's so funny?" Yuki growled.

Shigure quickly stopped laughing. "Eh, uh, nothing, nothing!" He said quickly. But it was too late. He already had a guilty, amused look on his face.

"You did this, didn't you?" Yuki grumbled, raising an eyebrow.

"Yep." Well, at least he was honest.

"So, now, let me ask you something: WHY?" Yuki looked pissed off.

"Why not?" Shigure replied. Yuki didn't look satisfied, so Shigure gave him the real answer. "He put dog DNA in MY food."

At first, Yuki looked confused. Then he remembered that he hadn't told the dog who had REALLY put dog DNA in his food. "Err, no. Hatori did that."

"Wha? Haa-san?" Shigure looked surprised, as if Hatori would never, EVER do something like that.

"He hates you. You do realize that, don't you?" Yuki's eyes narrowed.

"Now, why would Haa-san hate ME?" Shigure gestured to himself by putting a hand on his chest.

"Why would anyone LIKE you?" Yuki replied.

"Uh, Yuki-kun, Shigure-kun, er, uh, that is, Kyo-kun," Murmered Tohru, who hadn't talked for a whole argument. She wanted Kyo to be better. She loved him. After she said Kyo, everyone turned to inspect him. His eyes were narrowed, and he looked annoyed.

"Baka neko," Hissed Yuki. At this, Kyo made a hissing sound and jumped at Yuki. But Yuki simply pushed a hand out and knocked the clumsy cat over, who actually landed on his feet this time.

"Hey, he landed like a cat! For the first time ever," Laughed Shigure.

"Shut up, this is all YOUR fault," Yuki said. "So, the first time, the antidote was..." He quickly remembered. "Honda-san, catch!" Shouted Yuki, throwing Kyo at her. Kyo went flying through the air, yowling out in protest. He was hurling towards Tohru, nearly there, nearly there... then he swirved out of the way, using cat reflexes. He landed right next to her, and, bristling, raced out on his hands and knees. He ran into his room.

"That didn't work," Shigure said, stating the obvious.

"Really? I thought it went perfectly," Yuki said sarcastically. "Okay, how are we going to get him to transform? I mean, it's easy for a DOG to leap at people," He said dryly, glaring at Shigure.

"Hey, hey, that one wasn't MY fault! I didn't mean to jump at Tohru-kun!" Protested Shigure.

"Right," Said Yuki with a roll of his eyes. He couldn't believe this. How was he to get Kyo back to normal? With only the help of a perverted man and, no offense to Tohru, and a clumsy girl? "I guess he needs to... trust Tohru?" Cats were so stupid.

"And how might that work?" Shigure asked with a perverted smile. Yuki groaned.

"Okay, try not to think like that. I mean trust Tohru, like, as a FRIEND," Yuki said dryly. Cats really were dumb.

"Yuki-kun, uh, how?" Tohru asked in her gentle, kind way. (A/N I'm pretty sure she didn't understand the perverted joke that Shigure and Yuki were thinking of. She's stupid. As stupid as Yuki thinks cats are.)

"That's the thing. I don't know how a cats mind works. Dogs are so much easier to figure out. They're just dumb, energetic, idiotic--"

"Hey, that's very offending," Interupted Shigure from where he sat.

"I mean they just leap at everything they see," Added Yuki.

"And mice hide from everything," Joked Shigure.

"Back to the point. I don't know how to get a cat to trust people," Yuki concluded.

"Uh, um, that is, Yuki-kun, how about... I... can... try to find out?" Stuttered Tohru. Shigure smiled pervertedly again, and Yuki caught the smile.

"Before you say anything, Shigure, think of how much you love your life," Said Yuki. Then he turned towards Tohru. "Sure. Maybe, try to, er..." He didn't know how to say it without it sounding like something it wasn't. "...uh... stroke... him...?" _Oh. My. God. Now I sound like Shigure._ Shigure was grinning even wider, and looked like he wanted to say something, but was biting his tounge.

Again, Tohru didn't understand the disgustingness of that. "Sure," She said brightly, dissapearing down the hallway.

"Oh, wow, Yuki. Smooooth." Yuki whirled on Shigure.

"Well, how else could I have worded that?" Yuki snapped.

"It's called a Thesauraus," Snickered Shigure.

Meanwhile, while Yuki and Shigure were arguing, Tohru slowly approached Kyo, who was sitting like Shigure had when he'd acted like a dog. Kyo glared at Tohru, eyes glinting cautiously. "Here, kitty, kitty," Cooed Tohru. Kyo seemed to calm down a bit.

"Meow," Kyo said. Tohru giggled, causing Kyo to no longer look wary. He curled up on his bed, making a strange sound. Was he... purring? Yes, he was purring.

Tohru sat down next to him. Kyo's eyes looked guarded again, but he didn't get up. He stayed where he was. "Kitty, kitty," Repeated Tohru, reaching a hand out. This scared Kyo out of his witts.

"MEEEOWWW!" He spat, swatting her with his hand and leaping off the bed. He raced away on his hands and knees again, straight past Shigure and Yuki.

"Aaaand, there he goes," Said Shigure, like an announcer for a sport.

Yuki sighed. "This is getting no where." He suddenly realized something. "Your a dog," Said Yuki, turning to stare at Shigure.

"Look who's smart!" Cried out Shigure sarcastically. "You should win the Nobel Prize! Or, better yet, the Oscar!"

"No," Groaned Yuki. "I mean, a dog! Dogs chase cats."

"Soooo," Shigure said. "You want me to chase Kyo?" His eyes glinted in amusement at the thought of scaring the orange-haired teenager.

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Muttered Yuki, looking away from him. "I want you to hug Honda-san, then chase Kyo _into _Honda-san."

"Ohhhhh," Murmered Shigure, understanding the plan. He looked happy of the fact that he got to hug Tohru.

"No more than 3 seconds," Said Yuki.

"That doesn't seem like long enough time for this plan to happen," Shigure said.

"I mean the hug." Yuki turned back to Shigure, looking annoyed. Shigure looked a bit disgruntled now.

"Your going to be timing a _hug?_" He looked disbelieving.

"Yep." Yuki showed the pervert his watch.

"Aw, man," Groaned Shigure. "Fine." He went into Kyo's room, with Yuki on his tail. "Er, um, Tohru-kun?" Tohru looked up at Shigure and Tohru.

"Yes, Shigure-kun?" She said kindly.

"Sorry about this, Tohru-kun," Said Shigure, knowing she freaked out when they transformed. Then he quickly hugged her, blue smoke misting around him. Tohru ran from him, screaming. Like always. "Gotta jet," Said Shigure, racing out in dog form.

The black dog had a feeling that Kyo was on the roof. So he raced up the stairs towards the roof, panting, knowing that he had limited time before he changed back. Sure enough, there was Kyo. "Woof woof!" Barked Shigure, leaping at Kyo. The teenager looked up to see a dog leaping at him.

"HISSSSS!" Spat Kyo, whipping around and charging down the stairs as fast as he could go on his hands and knees.

"Woof, woof!" Shigure felt like an idiot, but he hurled himself down the stairs after Kyo. He chased him into Kyo's room. Kyo, not realizing that Tohru was there, leapt on to the bed. Tohru, blushing at what she was about to do, quickly closed her arms around Kyo's neck. _POOF! _Now he was an actual cat.

"What the--?" Kyo took in his surroundings. He was a cat, being hugged by Tohru, with a black dog staring at him, and Yuki standing at the side, looking annoyed that Tohru was still hugging Kyo.

"Shigure put cat DNA in your food," Said Yuki, wanting Kyo to stop hugging Tohru. Sure enough, the cat furiously leapt out of Tohru's hands and at the dog.

"I'm soooooorry," Whined Shigure as he ran from Kyo, who chased him with his claws out-stretched. Soon Kyo pounced on Shigure and started cutting him up.

"You should be," Spat the cat at the dog.

**A/N So, did you like it? Sorry I didn't do as good a job on this one. It seems shorter and more horrible. ^.^; I'm thinking of making the next one someone from the Main Sohma House, so it'll take them longer to figure out the antidote and stuff. Please, send a review. And request which Sohma I should use next! :D**


	3. If Momiji Acted Like A Bunny

**If Momiji Acted Like A Rabbit**

**ChipsAhoyPup**

**More Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! ^.^**

It was raining today. Rain, rain, go away, come again some other day. WAIT, why do they tell it to COME AGAIN? Dude, I mean, why do you want the rain to come back? Wait, this chapter isn't about rain. It's about Momiji!

Haru was the evil one today! He went straight to the vet. "I need rabbit DNA," He said in his usual monotone voice.

"We ran out of that," Said the vet sadly.

"THEN GET SOME MORE," Snapped Haru, turning Black.

"FIIIIIINE," Said the vet. He grabbed an injecting needle and went into the back. A long squeal was heard from the back, then abruptly cut off. The vet came back in with a limp bunny in one hand and an injecting needle filled with blue liquid in the other. "Here." The vet gave him the needle and threw the dead rabbit in the trash. "BYE."

As Haru was leaving, a woman shoved past him. "I'm here for Snowball."

"Here, ma'am," Said the vet, handing her the dead bunny. She screamed.

"YOU KILLED SNOWBALL! I AM SO SUEING YOU!" Then she stormed out crying, with poor Snowball in her hand.

"Why did she name a brown rabbit Snowball?" Haru said to himself. But he couldn't ponder over that. He had a "rabbit" to inject. With rabbit DNA. Because that's what my stories are about.

Wait, I just realized.... WHY DID I MAKE HARU WANT TO INJECT MOMIJI WITH DNA? Oh, yeah, because he's evil! Okay, back to the scheduled program.

"Momiji, come here, I have a surprise," Said Haru. Momiji bounced up to him.

"What is it? Is it candy, Haru? Huh?" Momiji giggled. He was having a sugar rush; his hands and face were all sticky and covered in lollipops and stuffs.

"No. It's not candy. It's a shot." Then Haru quickly injected the shot into Momiji's arm. Momiji started to cry, but then when the DNA was fully in his body, crumpled to the ground. His nose started twitching and he was sitting in a weird half-laying position. "You okay?"

When Haru said that, Momiji's eyes widened to the size of his lollipops and he bounced away on his hands and knees. "Bye." Haru waved good-bye to the bunny, as if he were watching something as normal as traffic.

"Hatsuharu? What are you doing here?" Said a familiaur voice behind Haru. Haru turned around to see Hatori.

"Oh. I was giving Momiji rabbit DNA," Replied Haru.

"Oh, cool. Where'd he go?" Hatori looked bored, like Haru always did. Haru pointed his index finger behind his shoulder.

"Thata way. I think. Wait, where _did _he go? Hmmm? And where am _I_?" Haru started twirling around in circles as if it was the hardest thing in the world to find out.

"In the Main Sohma Estate," Hatori replied. "Anyways, good luck with the DNA thing. Bye." Then Hatori dissapeared from sight.

******************************************

Momiji had been lured towards the nearest vegetables he could find. He bounced over towards a row of ripe leeks and newly planted strawberries in a beautiful, well-hidden garden. His nose twitched again. He hopped up to a leek patch and started nibbling on it, as if he was a mouse. But he wasn't. He was a bunny.

*******************************************

"Honda-san, I believe the leeks are ready to be harvested," Said Yuki as he and Tohru walked towards their secret garden. But it wasn't very secretive anymore. Because when they got there, they saw that all the leeks were gone. And a very fat Momiji was laying in the middle of the leek patch.

"Momiji-saaan?!" Cried out Tohru, racing up to her friend. "What happened?"

Momiji looked up with wide eyes and started flailing his hands and feet, as if to get up and race away as fast as lightning. "What's the matter with him?" Yuki didn't seem very angry that his leeks were gone. He'd take it out on the baka neko later.

"He's acting very strange," Agreed Tohru as Momiji started to push his arms and legs upwards at one time, pushing his body up just the slightest bit. Tohru and Yuki sweat-dropped.

"Momitchi?" Yuki said gently, leaning in to see if Momiji was alright. Then, the weirdest thing happened.

Momiji stretched his head up and nipped at Yuki's nose. Yuki bolted his head back up, his hands covering his nose. "Yuki-kun, are you okay?" Gasped Tohru.

"I'm fine, Honda-san," Grumbled Yuki. He was barely bleeding, but it _had _surprised him. And hurt a bit. Then Momiji got to his hands and feet and started to waddle away awkwardly. "Momitchi! Why did you bite me?" But Momiji ignored Yuki; he fell over and started rolling down a hill that I made appear out of nowhere! I mean... was sitting right near the garden! Yuki and Tohru stared with the O.O face at first. Then...

"Momiji-san!" Cried out Tohru, watching him squeal in fright as he flew down the hill. She looked confused, yet startled. Should she follow him and catch him? But if she caught him, he'd turn into a bunny. And Tohru freaked out when the cursed zodiac turned into animals.

Instead, Yuki charged down the hill after the rolling Momiji. He tumbled into the giant bunny zodiac and wrapped his arms around him. "Hang on, Momitchi," Growled Yuki, as he dug the heels of his feet into the hill. Momiji started to slow down, still flailing. Yuki started to walk backwards, stopping his feet into the soil on each footstep. Pulling Momiji up the hill was harder than Yuki thought.

The rat of the zodiac started to sweat as he dragged the bunny of the zodiac up the hill. He finally got Momiji on the top of the hill and pulled him into the leek patch again. "Momitchi, what happened?" Yuki asked as he bent over, panting heavily. Momiji didn't answer. Instead, his eyes got so wide they covered his whole head. He started to heave himself towards Shigure's house, the opposite direction of the hill.

"Yuki-kun, why is Momiji-san acting so weird?" Tohru squeaked.

"I think I can answer that question," Said a voice from the shadows. Tohru screamed while Yuki's face remained T.T Haru came out of the shadows, looking bored as ever. "I injected him with rabbit DNA."

"Hatsuharu, where were you for the last half-hour?" Yuki groaned.

"Well, you see, after Momiji got away and I talked to Hatori, I set off with the intention of following Momiji. Suddenly, dark shadows gripped me, and I got sucked into an alternate reality of unknowingness of which way I was going for a whole half-hour," Haru said, staring into space.

"...You got lost again, then?" Yuki looked annoyed of the fact that Haru could never get straight to the point and just say that he got lost.

"Sure, if you want to put it that way." Haru shrugged. Meanwhile, Momiji was still carrying himself towards Shigure's house. "Anyways, Momiji's acting like a bunny. That's why he ate all of your leeks and is now fat and rolling around."

"We know how to cure that," Yuki muttered, turning apologetically towards Tohru. "Honda-san?"

Tohru looked like she was about to cry like Momiji always did. Yuki sympathetically wrapped his hand around hers. He stared at her, wishing he could hug her, but knew if he did, he'd be a rat. So this was the only form of comfort he could give her now.

"I'll do it," Said Tohru, expression turning into a detirmed one. She charged at Momiji, while Haru waved good-bye to her like he'd done to Momiji earlier. She leapt at him. _POOF!_

"Tohru?" Gasped the yellow bunny as the mist cleared around him. "What happened? I feel bloated. Did I eat alot of candy or something?" Momiji clung to Tohru's shoulder, his little bun-shaped tail wagging slowly. Tohru's eyes were O.O, as she tried to hold back her want to scream.

"N-no, Momiji-san. Y-y-you ate Yuki-kun's l-leeks," Whispered Tohru.

"Why would I eat leeks?" Momiji tilted his head in confusion, one of his ears bouncing against his head.

"Long story. Let's go to sensei's house and we'll tell you. Wait... where's sensei's house again?" Haru started to walk in circles, looking utterly lost.

"This way," Sighed Yuki, heading towards Shigure's house. The rest of the gang followed him. And, thus, that is where Momiji's bunny story ends. Oh, wait! I forgot to tell you what happened to the vet after the lady claimed she'd sue!

The vet turned out to be a half-lawyer. When he got to court, he claimed that he was his _own _lawyer, and that the bunny died of a disease called, "DNA-reduced-itus." No one knew of this disease. But the vet told them that _surely _he would never lie to anyone. But he would. And he did. And his vet of DNA-injecting stunts continued to be open, so that I can make more chapters. THE END.

**A/N How'd you like that one? I was laying in bed thinking about how the DNA would be taken from the vet the other night. Because, the old joke of the vet getting all mad was getting too old. So I decided that Haru would use his Black side to get the DNA that the vet had run out of. It worked well, too. I actually laughed at it myself. Though I find it pathetic to laugh at my own jokes. **

**Anyways, please give me an idea for the next character to be injected! And maybe an idea for the injectee too. Also, if a girl charrie got injected, that would stretch the story out longer, because Tohru can't help them there! **

**^.^ Review and share your thoughts!**


	4. If Ayame Acted Like A Snake

**If Ayame Acted Like A Snake**

**ChipsAhoyPup**

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING. :3**

**A/N Thank you everyone, for reviewing! I liked all your ideas. ^.^ I'll do all of them at some point. I just thought that phommabouth's sounded like funn to do! ^.^ So, yeah, please keep reviewing and giving me ideas! :3**

SUNNY. IT WAS SUNNY! Aren't you proud I know the weather? WELL I AM! BECAUSE THE WEATHER MAN SAID IT WOULD RAIN TODAY! AND IT DIDN'T! Oh, wait, this story isn't even ABOUT the weather. How come every time I start these stories, I start about the weather? Ah, who cares, let's just continue.

Hatori's evil again! I mean, he already gave Shigure his evilness! So, now, he had to give the person he despises the MOST his evilness.

"One snake DNA, please," Hatori said at the vet.

"I've got to open up a DNA Walmart. Hey, if I opened up a DNA Walmart, would you come?" The vet asked, staring at Hatori.

"Not really. I need a snake DNA." Hatori was still as calm as ever.

"NOOOO! MY BUSINESS IDEA IS RUINED! NOW I CAN NEVER NEVER OPEN UP A DNA WALMART! WHYYYY?" The vet started sobbing on the counter.

"I'm still here, and I still need snake DNA," Hatori grumbled.

"Oh, yeah, the snake DNA! I don't want to get sued again, so here," The vet said, handing Hatori a snake and a syringe. "Just wait until the person that owns the snake comes before you get the DNA out."

But Hatori ignored the vet and sucked the DNA out of the snake without harming it. He handed it back to the vet. "Here." Then he walked off, still holding onto the DNA-filled syringe.

"WHY MUST A RANDOM PERSON BE BETTER THAN ME?" Screamed the vet. And he was so angry that he stabbed the snake with a syringe that he'd randomly been holding. The snake died, and the vet stabbed the snake again and again and again, about a hundred more times. Then the vet realized that the owner was standing there staring at him.

"YOU KILLED MY SON'S SNAKE! NOW I MUST GO TAKE MY SON TO A TRIP TO DISNEY WORLD TO MAKE HIM HAPPY, EVEN THOUGH I WANTED TO GO TO HAWAII FOR MY VACATION! NOOOOO!" Screamed the owner, and she raced out the door, crying.

*************************************************************************************************

Hatori handed Ayame a cup of tea. "Here, drink it all up," Hatori said.

"Put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up," Ayame sang and laughed in his annoying matter.  
"Shut up and drink it." Hatori looked _mad._

"Okay," Squeaked Ayame, and he slurped all the tea down. Then he fell out of his seat. So Hatori picked him up and put him outside.

"Here. Go explore," Hatori ordered Ayame. Then Hatori walked away.

"Hissss," Spat Ayame, and he started wriggling down the sidewalk. People walking by stared at him with a face that said O.O

"Look, mommy, he's acting like a belly-sliding penguin," A little boy said, pointing at Ayame.

"No, son, he's acting like a belly-sliding crazy person. Let's call the nice people in their clean, white coats." The mom raced off, holding on to the son's hand.

"Hisss." Ayame slithered away and hid in the bushes. Or, at least, tried to hide. It was a horrible hiding spot. Especially because of the fact that he wasn't even a real snake.

Tohru, Yuki, and Kyo happened to be walking by. "Hey, look, Yuki, it's your brother," Tohru said, pointing at Ayame.

"God," Groaned Yuki. "What's he doing now?"

"Acting like the moron he is. He should be in, uh... the... Funny Farm," Kyo growled.

"You mean an asylum, Mr. Stupid Cat?" Yuki asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Hey, it's also called the Funny Farm!" Snapped Kyo.

"No, that's what Weird Al called it in his _song,_ you idiot," Yuki snapped.

"Hisss," Ayame said from where he was. Tohru, Kyo, and Yuki all stared with the O.O face. Then Ayame stuck his tounge out at them.

"Idiot," Kyo muttered, looking away from Ayame boredly.

"Let's go, Miss Honda," Said Yuki, grabbing Tohru's hand and leading her towards the grocery store, which was where they'd been heading before Ayame had distracted them.

"Hey, wait up, you guys!" Kyo shouted, and raced after them to catch up.

"No," Snickered Yuki, and he made Tohru run faster so that Kyo couldn't catch them.

"DAMN RAT!" Screeched Kyo, and kicked into high-speed.

"Hisssss." Kyo looked over to see that Ayame was following him, wriggling on his belly.

"WHAT THE HELL, AAYA?" Kyo cried out, leaping backwards.

"Kyo, are you okay?" Squeaked Tohru, staring at Kyo from where she was standing. She and Yuki had stopped running.

"The damn rat's stupid snake brother is following me on his belly," Snorted Kyo, narrowing his eyes. "What's going on?"

"You're being Punk'd," Yuki scoffed sarcastically.

"Ah, where's Ashton Kutcher?" Cried out Tohru, not knowing he was being sarcastic.

"I'm kidding, Miss Honda," Yuki said softly, placing a hand on Tohru's shoulder.

"Ahhh, okay. Sorry," Tohru muttered, blushing deeply.

"Okay, stupid, what's wrong?" Growled Yuki, walking over to his brother and glaring at him.

"Hisss," Replied Ayame. He didn't even blink. Yuki stared in confusion.

"Why aren't you blinking?" Yuki grumbled. Ayame's reply to that was sticking out his tounge.

"What an idiot," Grunted Kyo.

"So were you when you thought you were a cat," Yuki retorted, turning around.

"What? What does that have to do with anything?" Kyo growled through gritt teeth.

"If you're paying attention, Ayame's acting like a snake," Yuki simply said.

"Who gave him the DNA then?" Kyo asked, crossing his arms.

"Well, anyone could've. I mean, he's annoying to everyone," Yuki said, shrugging his shoulders. "I wish I'd have gotten there first, so I could be the one to have done this."

"Maybe it was Hatori?" Suggested Tohru.

"Why would Hatori-- Oh, yeah," Kyo said, nodding his head. "Yeah, Ayame seems to annoy Hatori the most."

"That doesn't matter right now," Yuki muttered. He turned to Tohru. "Do you... er... mind hugging him?" He _really _didn't want her to hug his brother. But if it was the only way...

Tohru nodded her head. "Sure," She said softly. "Ah, sorry, Ayame," She added, staring down at the guy who thought he was a snake.

"Hissss," Ayame said.

"Retard, he can't understand you," Growled Kyo.

"What did you just call Miss Honda?" Yuki snapped, and kicked Kyo. Kyo flew into a nearby tree, his spine slamming into it. He slid down the bark of the tree and lay against the trunk in pain.

Tohru didn't want any more fighting. Instead, she leapt at Ayame. But Ayame quickly slid out of the way, causing Tohru to fall into the grass. "Ow."

"Are you okay, Miss Honda?" Yuki asked, crouching down so he was eye-level.

Then they kissed passionatly. x3 No, they don't. You know I hate the YukixTohru thing. Or, at least, I know that. Anyways, that didn't happen. What really happened was:

"Yeah, I'm fine," Tohru said. She got to her feet and wiped the grass off of her skirt. Her face grew detirmined and she crept up to Ayame again. Yuki went over to Ayame's other side and held his head down. Tohru then leapt on Ayame. _Poof!_

"Ahhhhh! I'm being crushed by an unexplainable force!" Ayame cried from underneath Tohru. His voice was muffled. Tohru got off of him quickly, sweat-dropping. "Oh, it was only Tohru! Hello, Tohru! AHAHAHAHAHAAA!"

"Let's go get the groceries," Yuki said quickly, grabbing Tohru's hand again and hurriedly scampering away.

"Wait, let me come with you!" Ayame cried, slithering after them. He was a snake this time, so he didn't have any other way of moving.

"This is gonna be a long day," Groaned Yuki, and then, when Kyo finally regained conciousness, and Ayame was a dressed human, they went off to get the groceries, with Yuki terribly annoyed.

**A/N Okay, finished this chapter! Please keep reviewing, I enjoy hearing from you guys! Thanks! :3**


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